The Mindful Mom

Good evening my village. You are on my mind always and I know how challenging it is to keep our kids happy in an environment that focuses on increasing the sources of happiness rather than increasing the ability to be happy.

Reducing and maintaining a simple threshold for experiencing happiness is crucial for long-term well-being. If we continuously seek more significant sources of pleasure, our brains adapt, and our baseline for what makes us happy rises. This is known as hedonic adaptation or the hedonic treadmill, a psychological phenomenon where we quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative life changes.

The Hedonic Treadmill: A Vicious Cycle

The hedonic treadmill is a relentless cycle. A new car, a promotion, a fancy vacation, or even a new relationship can bring an initial surge of joy.

During the Covid pandemic my sons began to view short term content on their phones in greater and greater degrees. I questioned the increase rather than the content. We sat around our little kiln and discussed every aspect of that increase. Together- we decided to alternate days of not viewing any content. On the off days they both began a fitness and exercise journey that continues to this day and gives them great joy. It took several months of increasing the off phone days before they experienced the same level of satisfaction from a reduced and stable amount of videos.

This excited or entertained feeling is often temporary. Our brains quickly normalize the new circumstances, and the thrill fades. We then find ourselves chasing the next big thing, always needing more to achieve the same level of happiness we once felt with less. This can be seen with material possessions, social media likes, or even attention. The constant pursuit of external validation leads to a state of perpetual dissatisfaction. We are forever running on a treadmill, expending great energy but staying in the same place.

This process is rooted in our brain’s neurochemistry. When we experience something pleasurable, our brains release dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward and motivation. The initial rush of dopamine is strong, but with repeated exposure, our brains become less sensitive to it. We need a bigger stimulus to get the same hit. This can lead to a dangerous cycle of seeking more, a cycle that can easily spiral into addiction. Whether it’s the constant checking of our phones for notifications, the insatiable desire for sugar, or the pursuit of more extreme thrills, the underlying mechanism is the same: a tolerance for pleasure is built, and we need an ever-increasing dose to feel good.

Mindfulness: A Path to Simplicity

To combat the hedonic treadmill, I believe it’s essential to teach children a different approach to happiness—one rooted in mindfulness and gratitude. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, paying attention to our thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. It’s about savoring the simple joys of life, such as the warmth of the sun on our skin, the taste of a fresh meal, or the sound of a loved one’s laughter.

By teaching children mindfulness early on, we can help them develop the tools to refresh their perspective regularly. Mindfulness helps us to appreciate the small things, preventing our happiness threshold from constantly rising. It encourages us to find contentment within ourselves rather than in external achievements or possessions. For example, a mindful child might find joy in drawing a picture, building a sandcastle, or simply observing the ants on the sidewalk. They are not waiting for a new toy or a new video game to feel happy; they are finding it in their present experience.

Teaching mindfulness to children can be as simple as a few minutes of quiet breathing exercises each day, a guided meditation before bed, or a “gratitude walk” where they are encouraged to notice and appreciate things in their environment. These practices help them build a strong inner foundation of happiness and resilience.

Preventing Addiction and Cultivating Resilience

The ability to find happiness in simple things is also a powerful antidote to addiction. When children are constantly seeking external stimulation to feel good, they are more susceptible to developing addictive behaviors later in life. This includes not just substance abuse but also screen addiction, overeating, and other compulsive behaviors. A child who learns to be content with a walk in the park or a quiet afternoon of reading is less likely to need the constant dopamine hit from a smartphone or sugary snacks.

Mindfulness helps children to regulate their emotions and respond to difficult feelings without seeking an immediate external fix. When they feel bored, sad, or angry, they can sit with those feelings, observe them without judgment, and choose a healthy response rather than reaching for a distraction. This emotional regulation is a cornerstone of mental health and a critical life skill.

Furthermore, a simple happiness threshold fosters resilience. Life is full of ups and downs, and a person who relies on external factors for their happiness is more vulnerable to disappointment and despair when those factors are absent. In contrast, someone who can find joy in a quiet moment, a simple meal, or a meaningful conversation is better equipped to handle life’s challenges. They are not dependent on circumstances to feel good; their happiness is self-generated.

The constant pursuit of more is a losing game my friends. By understanding the hedonic treadmill and the pitfalls of an ever-rising happiness threshold, we can make a conscious effort to simplify our lives and appreciate what we already have. Teaching mindfulness to children from a young age is a profound investment in their future. It equips them with the tools to find happiness within themselves, to avoid the traps of consumerism and addiction, and to build a life of genuine contentment and resilience.

I join you in looking at the stars above you with your kids and knowing we are all one family-wanting a life of peace and contentment….. Namaste and warmth until we meet again next week.

Auntie Sonia 💕