The Mindful Mom

Good evening my friends. This week I’ve been thinking about the importance of habit formation. In our village in India as children we were always told to take off our shoes before entering our homes- the only way this became an automatic behavior is because we would always do it. Initially it was hard to remember- but gradually the effort of remembering gave way to the automatic positive act because we did it whether any grownup was watching or not.

The quiet rituals we perform when no one is watching are the truest measure of our character. In the absence of external pressure or social scrutiny, our actions are dictated by an internal compass, shaped by the patterns we’ve chosen to repeat. This is the realm of habits, and their importance cannot be overstated. A habit, at its core, is a behavior that, through repetition, becomes automatic. It’s the silent, invisible force that governs a vast portion of our lives, from the mundane act of brushing our teeth to the profound commitment of exercising daily. The true power of habits lies not just in their immediate benefit, but in their ability to build a foundation of discipline, consistency, and integrity that serves us far beyond the initial action.

Consider the simple act of washing hands. When a contagious virus is circulating and public health officials are imploring everyone to practice good hygiene, the motivation is clear and externally reinforced. The act is a conscious choice to protect oneself and others. However, the true test of this habit comes when the threat subsides, when no one is looking, and when the act seems “unnecessary.” The person who washes their hands meticulously even in these moments is not just performing a sterile ritual; they are reinforcing a deeply ingrained pattern of care and conscientiousness. This seemingly small act, performed in solitude, strengthens the neural pathways associated with discipline and self-care. It transforms the behavior from a conscious effort into an automatic response. This is the essence of a good habit: it becomes a part of who we are, a default setting that guides our actions without the need for conscious deliberation.

This principle extends to all aspects of life. The writer who sits down to write for an hour every day, even when inspiration is scarce and no deadline looms, is building the muscle of creativity. The athlete who performs their stretches and warm-ups diligently before every workout, even on days when they feel strong and healthy, is establishing a pattern of injury prevention and self-care. The student who reviews their notes for fifteen minutes each night, even when no test is scheduled, is laying the groundwork for deep understanding and long-term memory. These actions, performed in the quiet moments of solitude, are not wasted efforts. They are investments in our future selves, building a repertoire of beneficial patterns that will serve us when the stakes are high and the pressure is on.

The challenge, of course, is in the formation of these habits. This is where mindfulness plays a crucial role, especially in the development of good habits in children. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, without judgment. For children, this can be as simple as helping them notice the sensations of brushing their teeth—the feel of the bristles, the taste of the toothpaste—or the warmth of the water as they wash their hands. By bringing a mindful awareness to these seemingly mundane actions, we help children move the behavior from a mindless chore to a conscious experience.

Mindfulness helps children connect their actions to their outcomes. When a child is mindful while putting away their toys, they can notice the feeling of a clean, organized room afterward. This creates a positive feedback loop, associating the act of tidying up with the pleasant feeling of order. When a child practices mindful eating, paying attention to the taste and texture of their food, they are more likely to develop a healthy relationship with food, moving away from mindless snacking and towards a more appreciative and nourishing experience.

Furthermore, mindfulness helps children recognize the triggers for their habits. A child who is taught to pause and take a few deep breaths when they feel angry is learning to interrupt a potentially destructive habit (like lashing out) and replace it with a constructive one (self-regulation). This ability to observe one’s internal state and choose a different response is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence and a key skill for building and maintaining positive habits throughout life.

Ultimately, the habits we cultivate when no one is watching are the scaffolding of our character. They are the silent architects of our success, our health, and our well-being. By embracing the power of repetition and harnessing the tool of mindfulness, we can move our beneficial intentions from the realm of conscious effort into the effortless grace of automaticity. This is not just about performing a task correctly; it is about building a life of discipline, integrity, and self-respect, one quiet, intentional act at a time. The person we are when no one is watching is the person we truly are, and by shaping our habits, we shape our destiny. When they were in elementary school, I would take my kids out every morning before breakfast just to look at the sky and trees and listen to the birds and the sound of their own breathing. Now as adults, they engage with nature to start out their day and to calm any stress. What habits would you like to form with your children?

I pray this week brings you time for self care and awareness of those rituals that deeply nourish you. Until next week…. Namaste