The Mindful Mom

Good afternoon my friends. My deepest request to the universe is that you find a place which gives you comfort and solidifies the self awareness that you are extremely valuable and talented. This week I would like to expand on how I helped my own kids reach that place in their lives. I believe that the concept of pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone is overrated and ignores the call of the soul. Go deeper yes, work hard to improve yes, but I believe it is necessary to use your energy to embrace that which appeals to your inner self and not have to use your energy in constantly orienting yourself to discomfort. At least when you are young. I see many parents pressure their kids to join activities opposed to the child’s implied interests. What do we hope to accomplish with this philosophy?

The journey of self-discovery is a lifelong process that begins in childhood. One of the most crucial aspects of this journey is ensuring that children are engaged in activities, clubs, and groups that align with their unique interests and personalities. When children are placed in environments that resonate with their true selves, they are more likely to thrive, develop a strong sense of self, and build meaningful relationships. Conversely, forcing children into generic or ill-fitting activities can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and a lack of fulfillment. My kids have had several college friends who have completely changed majors or career goals after going through years of making the “wrong” choices. Wouldn’t it have been much better to have helped your children discover their own fulfillment delivering systems and proclivities much earlier?

Understanding Individuality;

Every child is unique, with their own set of interests, strengths, and weaknesses. Recognizing and nurturing this individuality is essential for their overall development. When children are encouraged to explore activities that genuinely interest them, they are more likely to develop a passion for learning and personal growth. This exploration helps them understand their own needs and drives, which is a critical component of self-awareness.

The Role of Mindfulness;

Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can aid in the process of self-discovery. By teaching children to be mindful, we equip them with the ability to tune into their thoughts, feelings, and biofeedback sensations. This heightened awareness allows them to make more informed decisions about the activities and environments that best suit them. Mindfulness practices can help children recognize what brings them joy and fulfillment, as well as what causes them stress or discomfort. I believe in strengthening before challenging. Do athletes run races before training? Is training meant to tear down or build up those muscles that help them run the race?

Benefits of Joining the Right Activities;

1. Enhanced Self-Esteem and Confidence – When children participate in activities that they enjoy and excel at, they build self-esteem and confidence. Success in these areas reinforces their sense of competence and encourages them to take on new challenges. My eldest son disliked outdoor activities and we did the minimum in that area. But he loved coding and mathematical competitions so we followed that path. My daughter loved debating and I would drive her deep into the night to locations that offered training that would ultimately make her a regional champion. My youngest son loved tutoring and mentoring other peers even at a young age. So we followed that direction and he helped build the skills and self esteem of numerous housing challenged teens. The path to the positive application of their passions was not a straight one. I helped them follow small interests that had no name. Just small steps that ultimately led to a bigger and truthful understanding of where their zeal lay. Teaching kids mindfulness is akin to giving them the power to live a life of elation and wonder.

2. Improved Mental Health; Engaging in activities that align with a child’s interests can significantly improve their mental health. It provides a sense of purpose and belonging, which are crucial for emotional well-being. On the other hand, being in environments that do not fit can lead to feelings of isolation and inadequacy.

3. Development of Social Skills; Activities that are a good fit for children often involve interacting with peers who share similar interests. This common ground makes it easier for children to form friendships and develop social skills. Being part of a community where they feel understood and accepted can be incredibly validating. My eldest son tends to be quiet. This often made it challenging to ensure that he was being provided with what he needed. We consistently went to the environments he sought and I saw him light up when other kids spoke his “language”. His nature is still on the quiet side, that is who he is. But he is confident, happy, and can talk with everyone with ease because he is not in conflict inside himself.

4. Academic and Personal Growth; When children are engaged in activities they are passionate about, they are more likely to develop a love for learning. This enthusiasm can spill over into their academic pursuits, leading to better performance in school. Additionally, these activities can teach valuable life skills such as teamwork, leadership, and time management. My daughter was a voracious reader. Sometimes I would wonder at her choices in books but always attended those library used book sales and let her wander and choose whatever drew her in. Years of supporting her led to such an impressive vocabulary that she would become a tremendous writer, speaker, and debater. I did not tell her what to read I followed her lead and only provided my reading lists when she asked me which books I thought were really rousing for me.

The Dangers of Mismatched Environments;

Forcing children into activities or environments that do not align with their interests and personalities can have detrimental effects. Many college students experience anxiety and depression because they are caught up in environments that are not right for them. This mismatch can lead to a lack of motivation, poor academic performance, and a general sense of dissatisfaction with life in my experience. I have had thirty year old individuals ask me how to find their true calling. I often suggest that they go back to their inner child and begin with simple drawings of anything that comes to mind. This discovery is a journey and no single point will be the complete answer. The magic is in the patterns that emerge as you help kids fly freely and mindfully.

The Importance of Early Exploration;

The process of discovering one’s essence begins early in life. Encouraging children to explore a variety of activities allows them to identify what they are passionate about. This exploration should be guided by the child’s interests rather than societal expectations or parental pressures. In my Indian community I had to protect my children from many judgments and expectations. They would often be expected to choose medicine, or engineering as their careers and none of my kids ultimately chose anything like that. By providing children with the freedom to choose their own paths, we empower them to make decisions that are in line with their true selves.

Practical Steps for Parents and Educators:

1. Observe and Listen; Pay attention to what activities your child naturally gravitates towards. Listen to their feedback and be open to their interests, even if they differ from your own expectations.

2. Encourage Exploration;: Provide opportunities for your child to try different activities. This could include sports, arts, music, science clubs, or any other interest they express.

3. Promote Mindfulness; Teach your child mindfulness techniques to help them become more aware of their own preferences and feelings. This can include simple practices like deep breathing, meditation, or mindful observation.

4. Support Their Choices; Once your child has identified activities they enjoy, support their involvement. This might mean attending their events, providing necessary resources, or simply encouraging them to pursue their passions. And lobby to get everyone who is in your or your kids’ lives to support your efforts. You do not want negative or dissonance producing influences in your lives. Your energy needs to be used to propel everyone you love forward, and not to constantly fend of excessive internal friction.

5. Create a Balanced Schedule; Ensure that your child has a balanced schedule that includes time for relaxation and unstructured play. Over-scheduling can lead to burnout and diminish the joy of participating in activities. I believe in pacing days and activities slower and more mindfully. I often observed much greater progress among kids with this guidance in their lives than in homes where rushing and packing in too much was the norm.

I hope that you find your inner child again and tell them to soar up to the surface of your life. They are waiting for you….

Namaste and much warmth as the crisp chill in the air embraces us….until next week.